I want to share my own feelings. With each year, I seem to experience more stigma: ‘But you are a psychologist — how can you? You are a psychologist, you cannot, you have no right…’
No right to be angry, make mistakes, divorce, be an imperfect mother or not always be a patient person, daughter or wife. People expect perfection from you, expect you to ‘set a good example’, and expect your children to be perfect. This is one of my main difficulties because my children are very much alive, sometimes intensely so. They can be difficult and are certainly not what society imagines a psychologist’s children should be. Yet I am happy. For me, they are the best exactly as they are. Had they been different, I would feel the same.
You are also expected to be the perfect wife: always understand and support your husband, as if you have no problems, hormonal changes or bad moods. You must always have enough emotional capacity for him. You are expected to look good because you must love yourself — after all, you are a psychologist. You should have no inhibitions or insecurities in your intimate life, and you should clean and cook so that every area is in ‘balance’. And, of course, continue developing — with that part I agree. If only I had Hermione’s time-turner.
You are expected to understand everyone, ignore things, forgive and understand again. Then comes another, even more uncomfortable layer: sometimes people around you cannot feel free because ‘you know everything and read minds’. No — absolutely not. Outside the consulting room I do not analyse or evaluate. I live my life.
This can be painful and difficult because you feel a little like an outsider. Sometimes, when meeting someone, I am afraid to name my profession because it complicates communication. But not always. Other people see an ordinary, living person in me. This is much harder for me than the devaluation of the profession itself.
It also hurts when the people closest to you emphasise every ‘mistake’ as something terrible because you are a psychologist. This is especially difficult when you yourself are depleted. On one hand, you understand the reasons; on the other, sometimes you simply want to respond as the situation calls for.
A psychologist does not have to be convenient for everyone. We simply understand ourselves, our feelings and our reactions a little better.