This article is specifically about psychopathy: situations in which empathy is absent, the value system is distorted and another person’s suffering can bring satisfaction. This is not always physical violence, but it is always psychological harm.
Are such people always monsters? No. If they genuinely want to, they can learn to behave differently.
Does this always involve an absence of empathy and an inability to build deep relationships? Yes.
Alcohol, drugs or antisocial behaviour? Often, although not always.
It can be difficult to believe, but he may take satisfaction in your suffering, tears and emotional reactions, especially when you initially resist.
In this relationship, you are always presented as the one who is “not normal”. You are blamed for your emotions, for not wanting immediate contact after an argument and for mistrust after repeated lies. Even the anxiety cultivated in you is treated as your problem.
Today he may care for you because he needs something. Tomorrow, it may not matter to him that you feel unwell. You are still expected to function fully.
You are not allowed to be ill, weak or tired. You must be in a good mood and have enough capacity for him. In some cases, your weakness triggers his anxiety, and the partner seems to press even harder.
Some situations look so ordinary that they can seem almost absurd. You are exhausted, yet you are expected to stand up and pour tea into his cup. If you refuse, blackmail, accusations or manipulation follow. It appears to be “only a cup of tea”, but he sees your exhaustion and still forces you to do it.
After a serious argument, even when you were the one who finally broke down, you may feel empty, anxious or hopeless. He may soon behave as if nothing happened and ask why you cannot communicate normally. Once again, the message is that something is wrong with you.
After a serious argument, you have the right to take the time you need to calm down. You do not have to hug, resume contact immediately or pretend that everything is fine.
If you do not react and do not respond to manipulation, he may become angry, anxious or tense. This can happen immediately, an hour later or the next day. Retaliation can take different forms: “forgetting” to buy medicine, refusing help or openly directing his feelings at you. He will not reflect on what happened, because in his view he is always right.