Love is not the same as pain and suffering. If a person close to you demands that you accept something that conflicts with your values, and you repeatedly give up your own rest, sleep, contact with others or learning, this is not love.
If you are expected to become someone else, to be “better”, or to change your appearance, work or views, this is not love. You do not have to meet another person’s expectations.
A close relationship leaves room for both people to be themselves. It involves listening, trying to understand and not devaluing each other — whether we are speaking about partners, parents, children or other people close to us.
How often are you afraid to express your opinion or say no? Sometimes the fear is understandable because there may be consequences. Sometimes it feels irrational and difficult to explain. Yet it makes you stop, remain silent, search for the “right” words and explain yourself again and again where a simple no should be enough. For a loving person with healthy boundaries, it is enough.
Why do we agree to such relationships? Why do we remain where there is no safety? Sometimes we have never experienced another way of relating. Sometimes we want to be good, believe we can endure or adapt, and hope that a partner will value our effort.
Unfortunately, that does not make an unsafe relationship safe. If respect, safety and acceptance are absent from the beginning, self-sacrifice does not create them.
There is no higher value in suffering. It is painful to see children taught otherwise. Generations change, but beliefs about self-sacrifice can remain very strong.
This world contains what we need for happiness. Sometimes it is important to allow ourselves to receive it.